Abstract | A dürüm döner (DD) is a magnificent culinary invention, without which any visit to Turkey would never be complete. Its excellent combination of bread and meat, with the occasional mix of tomato, onions and mayonnaise, is readily available to complement any walk around the sokaks and plazas of any
Turkish city and town. The experience is inherently addictive, and Dr. V is no stranger to it. Contemplating a sabbatical in Turkey comes with an increased hazard of ample DD availability, and heightened risk of high calorie intake. When a powerful stakeholder (Mrs. V) steps in to question this sabbatical plan, how is Dr. V to show that he will be able to conduct research while safeguarding his enviable cuddly figure? Three nearby vendors of excellent but highly variable DDs, one exposed yet enterprising researcher, and one tough uncompromising stakeholder come together in a nail-biting risk assessment drama to play out in view of the Bosporus.